Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
