I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You're a waste of cheezeits
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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