I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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