You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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