Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
