Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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