Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
