the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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