do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize