He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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