remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
