Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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