i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
