you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
