as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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