she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
