i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
