John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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