Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
