Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
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