whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
