arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize