ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
