if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I touched a dick in church today
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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