so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
