yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
