I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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