Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
