I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Randomize
