The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
