dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
