32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
