i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
