she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
