What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
