You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
