Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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