He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
this boner is exhausting
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
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