My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I think my fart just growled at me.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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