Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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