Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
