I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
