I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
