if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
