I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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