between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
How's work?
Spinning.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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