We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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