im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
