It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
And then my night got REAL pukey
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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