last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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