drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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