my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
