Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
