she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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