ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize