If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
