I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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