I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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