Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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