I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize