I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
