you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
